Yours sincerely, wasting away

6dp5dt:

Ok, no more fooling around.  Now I'm getting excited.

I spent much of today playing a fun game called "pregnancy or progesterone".  That's where I analyze every little twinge and sensation in my body and try to figure out if it's an early pregnancy symptom or just a side effect of progesterone.  It's all futile of course.  Even if I were pregnant, it's much too early to have any symptoms.

There is definitely something going on in my uterus though.  I'm cramping up a storm and my c-section scar hurts.  Could be implantation but could also be a side effect of the progesterone.  I've gotta stop obsessing about this.

My goal this time around is to NOT test early with a home pregnancy test.  I want to wait until the actual blood test on Monday.  I've peed on a lot of sticks in my time and it just doesn't help.  If the pee-stick is negative, you feel like crap and yet there is no closure (you keep hoping that the HPT was wrong or you tested too soon).  Even when you get a positive, the happiness is short-lived.  Until you get the numbers from your blood tests, you can't be sure that your HCG levels are rising and the pregnancy is viable.  With the twins I was taking 4 tests a day and compulsively lining them up, straining my eyes trying to see if the 2nd line was getting any darker.   One minute I was ecstatically happy and the next I was in tears convinced it was over.

The only way this can work is if I keep the pregnancy tests out of the house altogether.  I stocked up on a ton of groceries on the week-end because I know that if I step foot in a grocery story this week, I won't be able to resist buying a test.  Must stay strong.