When your lights have gone

Well it looks like it's not going to happen for us this time. 

Last week I buzzed around the house cleaning everything (the toilets in particular) preparing for my pregnancy symptoms to kick in...but they never did.  I've been obsessively taking HPT's and on the weekend I noticed that the 2nd line was getting lighter not darker.  At that that point I was pretty sure it was over.  I spent several days Googling trying to find any possible explanation but there wasn't any.  The embryo had stopped developing and wasn't producing hCG anymore.

I took one of those digital tests that tells you the weeks since conception and it read 1-2 (when it should have been 4).    Based on that, my clinic agreed to do a repeat beta and it came back at only 270 (it should be at least 8,000 by now).   So we are stopping meds and waiting for the inevitable.  I'm disappointed but certainly not devastated. I expected it and I'm so glad we found out now and on our own terms.  It would have really sucked to go to the viability scan and instead of heart-beat to see nothing there.

This just makes me feel even more grateful that we were so lucky the first time around.  I'll be hugging the twins extra hard tonight.

They're going to monitor my hCG until it drops to nothing in case it's an ectopic or something that requires more intervention. After that I hope we can get lined up to transfer our remaining embies as soon as possible.

Goodbye Baby C.  It was wonderful to have you with us, if only for a couple of weeks.  I wish it hadn't ended so soon.  I was really looking forward to sharing a birthday with you.