Who could ask for more

Lining Check:

I might as well re-name this blog: Sandra's half-ass FET.   I've been on estrace for 2 weeks now and I've been just as negligent as with the BCP.   I'm supposed to take 3 pills a day 8 hours apart but I honestly have no idea how many I've been taking.   Might be 1 a day, might be 4.  It doesn't help that I'm taking a bunch of vitamins and supplements too.  I keep forgetting what I've already taken.   I gotta get one of those idiot-proof pill organizers that seniors use.   The good news is that yet again, my neglect doesn't seem to matter.  The clinic called this afternoon and my lining looks great.  We are good to go forward with transfer next Friday.  On Monday, I stop the lupron and start taking progesterone which I'm sure will cause all sorts of new hormonal roller coasters.

This morning's ultrasound was preceded by much less drama.  It was still ridiculously long though - I think she did another full pelvic u/s.  By some design flaw the radiology clinic was fitted with overhead halogen lights.  They do try to make it more pleasant by diming the lights but it's still very distracting.   Imagine staring at this for 45 minutes.

This was my view for 45 minutes.

For variety, I would occasionally shut my eyes so I could instead stare at the mirror image burned on my retina which looked kind of like the Eye of Sauron.

One ring to rule them all...

In other news, I am freaking out.  It finally hit me that if this doesn't work, it will be over and there will be no second chances.  We decided years ago that we won't do another fresh cycle.  Really we should be happy with what we have.   We've already been awarded the infertility holy grail. (ie boy/girl twins).   At times, it does seem greedy to want more.  But babies aren't like handbags.  I love the twins so much, how could I not want another child.  Actually that's a terrible analogy because really, one can never have too many handbags either.

I'm frantically grasping at straws to come up with a plan B.  I called my local clinic yesterday to set up a consult (they're really busy and it takes months to get an appointment.)  We might try doing a few IUI's.  Given our various fertility challeges, it's unlikely to work but better than giving up altogether.

Vera, Chuck and Dave

When we did our fresh cycle, we named our embryos.  It was mostly a joke to help alleviate the tension.  On day 3, all 6 were rated as average and Greg and I worried that they wouldn't make it to blastocyst.  Greg suggested that we name them so they would know that they were all wanted (6 kids? Sure, why not?). 

We rattled off 6 names that started with E (for embryo).   I can't remember them all except that they were very uncreative (like Emily, Ed, Emma etc.).  On day 4 the embryos reached the morula stage of development so we renamed them with six M names (Maverick, Miranda, Mark, Mary, Mork and Mindy).  On day 5, the embryos reached the blastocyst stage.  We transferred "Beneto" and "Bianca".  In the freezer are "Brian", "Brianna" and "Brenda".  Sadly Mork arrested on day 5.  Greg is convinced it was a result of us having given him such a lame morula name.

If I'd been out 'til quarter to three

One thing I've have been hesitant to mention is how much the Lupron injections hurt this time around... tons more painful than I remembered.  I really have to jam the needle in and the injection site often bleeds and bruises.  This puzzled me because I remember Lupron used to be the easy injection - it never hurt (not compared to Menopur or those awful IM shots of progesterone).  I figured I must have gotten really wimpy in my old age.   But now I know the real reason.  Those fancy needles that came with my prescription were freaking HUGE!!!!  I used the last one on Friday so yesterday I cracked open the bag of insulin syringes and look at the difference!!

Which would you rather stick in your tummy?

I've been torturing myself for no reason, I could have been using those lovely 8mm 30 gage insulin syringes the whole time!!!  WTF!?!

In other news, yesterday I dropped Lupron to 5 units and started estrace, 2mg a day.  My headache was gone within 6 hours.  Yee ha!    Although I am apparently still a raving lunatic experiencing some irritability.

Would you lock the door?

Confession time: 

I've been absolutely terrible at taking medication this cycle. 

First I screwed up the BCP; I started taking them backwards in the package and then couldn't figure out what day I was on.  I missed some days and then doubled up on others.   On my official last day of BCP (Oct 5), I still had 3 pills left in the package.  It's a good thing I never had to rely those things for actual birth control.  I'd have ended up like Michelle Dugger or something.

Then I missed my first dose of Lupron.  I was all set to take it but I wanted to get the twins to sleep first so I'd have time to review the instructions and concentrate on what I was doing.   So I laid down with the kids and promptly fell asleep.  I woke up in a panic at 2am and rushed out to the kitchen to do it.  And it's happened several times since then.  I just completely forget to take it then end up doing a catch-up dose the next morning.   The good news it that it didn't matter one bit.  The clinic called with the results of u/s and it was all clear.  The cyst is gone and my ovaries are completely suppressed despite my being a disorganized basket case.

I blame my absent mindedness on my kids.  When I did IVF in 2008 I would have NEVER missed a dose.  The entire focal point of my day was the ritual of taking my injections.   But now the twins are my  focus and everything else comes 2nd.

On the infertility website that I follow (ivf.ca), there are many ladies with secondary infertility (they have one child but are struggling to conceive #2).  They often talk about the logistical challenges of doing IVF when you have a toddler (or two) in tow.  I had thought they were exaggerating, but I get it now.  And I'm only doing an FET.  A fresh IVF cycle would be much more hectic, the additional medications (which REALLY do need to be taken at the same time each day), the early morning monitoring appointments etc. 

In other news, it turns out the whole Dynalife drama was all for naught.  My clinic didn't get the bloodwork; they called Dynalife and they have no record of it.  Despite the fact that they happily took my $47 for rush bloodword.  Grrr.   Fortunately, since my cyst is gone, the RE decided that I was ok to go ahead anyway without bloodwork.  Snaps for my ovaries!!  Boo for Dynalife!

Indicate precisely what you mean to say

Baseline ultrasound and bloodwork:

As with everything else in my life lately, it was a disorganized gong show.

Yesterday afternoon I pulled out my requisitions to confirm the times/places.  My u/s was booked at MIC (a radiology clinic downtown) at 8:50 am.   I vaguely recall a clinic nurse telling me to go to the lab at the Royal Alex hospital first to get the blood-work done.  I didn’t question this at the time because that's where the Edmonton Fertility Clinic sent their patients and I know that lab does rush fertility bloodwork (the clinic needs the results back that morning).

Here's the problem.  The hospital lab is first come/first serve and opens up at 8 am.   It's very unlikely that I would be done in time to make it to MIC by 8:50 am. And I’d need to drop the twins off at dayhome first so I couldn't go to the lab early and line-up.  MIC is where I got all my pre-natal scans so I know that if I was late, they wouldn’t hold my spot.  I’d be SOL.

Then I looked at the bloodwork requisition again.  The lab was listed as Dynalife (a local private lab which is not affiliated with Royal Alex lab).  So was I even going to the right place???  I called my clinic to ask but the nurses had already gone home for the day.

In my usual responsible fashion, I went home and promptly forgot about the issue in the whirlwind of dinner prep and bedtime routines.   I woke up early the next morning in a complete panic.  I had no plan.  I’m the kind of person who always needs a plan.  Even a bad one.  Greg had to leave at 5:30 am so he couldn’t help me…although he was surprisingly sympathetic and tried to talk me off the ledge before he left.

The solution was embarrassingly obvious once I calmed down.  I would go to Dynalife first (taking the kids if necessary) and if they couldn’t do the bloodwork, I would go to the Alex after the u/s.   Duh. 

So I woke up kids, got them dressed and packed up.  I called and woke up my sister (and totally awesome dayhome provider) to ask if I could pretty please drop off the kids early to which she graciously agreed.  Happily, Dynalife could do the bloodwork.  I got out of there by 8am and had a very relaxing drive to MIC.

The u/s part took forever.  I was in there for almost 90 minutes.  First they couldn’t find the instructions from my clinic so we had to wait for them to be re-faxed.  Then the u/s tech did the most thorough scan of my ovaries that I’ve EVER had.   She must have taken 50 pictures of each one.   All my previous u/s have been at a fertility clinic and the baseline normally takes like 45 seconds.   I guess that’s because my RE knows exactly what he’s looking for.

So it all turned out ok in the end.  And yes, I do realize that all the drama could have been avoided if I’d just looked into things a day earlier and made a few phone calls.  The fact is that I am a complete and total basketcase.

When I get older, losing my hair

Hello Menopause:

The Lupron side-effects started this week.  It's a fun preview of what menopause will be like.

I've had a headache for 3 days now but at least Tylenol does help (unlike with migraines).  I can also feel my body temperature increasing.  I don't mind the hot flushes actually.  I'm the kind of person who is always cold so Lupron is like a mini tropical vacation for me.

Greg tells me that the irritability is kicking in too.  Although I prefer to think of it as me suddenly gaining an extra dose of assertiveness.

Today's rant is how the pharmacy was out of sharps containers.   I've never once been issued a real sharps container to dispose of my used needles.  The pharmacist always tells me to just use a coffee can or something.  But the thing is that I need my coffee can...that's where I store my coffee...I can't put needles in there. So this is what I've been using instead.

A squished milk jug that I pulled out of my recycle bin.  Not only is it hugely ghetto, it's also completely non-functional.  Since it's made of soft plastic, the needles can just poke right through it.

Why can't I just have a freaking sharps containers like everyone else?!?  Is that so hard?!?  Even the heroin addicts at the safe injection site get real sharps containers!!

  

Look how cool they are.  All orange and official looking.  And a biohazard symbol too!

I'm going to look like a total douche when I go to drop off my needles with that stupid milk jug.  Well, maybe I won't drop them off.  Maybe I'll just throw them out with the trash.  That would show them.   Or I'll bury the jug in the back-yard for future generations like some time capsule of the phamacy's incompetence.

Oh and btw, I'm totally going to kick menopause's ass when it gets here for real.  Bring it on!!!

I could be handy, mending a fuse

First Lupron injection:

Let's get this party started!!!

And also, let's get some moisturizer...and maybe a manicure.  My hands look like they belong to a 50 year old man.