Friday, September 30

Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

I picked up all my medications today and in the proud tradition of other IVF bloggers,  I lined everything up and took pictures. 


The little vial contains the Lupron.  The bottles contain the estrace and the boxes contain the first 2 weeks of progesterone suppositories.  And yes, if you look closely in the background, there is a big stack of wine and liquor bottles (which will come into play if we get a BFN)

This lot cost $850 which seems excessive for an FET but of course much better than the $5,000+ plus we spent on drugs for our fresh cycle.

This is the first time I've gotten Lupron from a regular drugstore, in the past I've ordered it directly from the clinic pharmacy.  It came in a big box with 14 super-fancy syringes in ultra-safe hermetically sealed plastic containers.  Since I'll be using for more than 2 weeks, they also gave me a couple of bags of extra insulin syringes.

Picking up the medication was a gong show; it took over a hour.  Despite the instructions faxed by my clinic, the pharmacy techs couldn't figure out what they were supposed to give me.  They asked me a million questions which I couldn't answer and ended up calling the pharmacist at home and then my clinic to get the details straight.  But now I've got everything and I'm ready to go.

I'm trying not to get excited because I don't want to get my hopes up.  It's hard though.  I do so want this to work.

Tuesday, September 27

When I'm 64

You're probably wondering about the significance of the title of this blog.

I'm a big fan of the book Spirit Babies by Walter Makichen - it was my #1 favorite “infertility” book. The author is a clairvoyant medium whose practice was centered around communicating with spirit babies (ie the souls of the child you are meant to have). He says that infertility can have both metaphysical and well as physical causes and the book contains a series of meditations and techniques to help overcome metaphysical roadblocks to conception. Now I’m not normally a spiritual or new agey type person, but something about this book just rang true for me. I can't say for sure if the meditations helped me get pregnant the first time, but they were definitely relaxing and made be feel good. And I did have a number of enlightening revelations about my fears and motivations.

So I've been doing the meditations again as part of the FET cycle and I'm having a rather weird  experience.  While I'm meditating, I keep hearing the song “When I’m 64” by the Beatles repeating over and over again in my head. And it’s all the lyrics clear as day even though in real life, I could probably only remember a couple of lines.

Is my subconscious trying to tell me something really insightful? Is there a part of me afraid of committing to caring for another child? Is it a message from a my spirit baby? What can it mean?!?

           When I'm 64
Songwriters: Mccartney, Paul; Lennon, John;

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

You'll be older too
Ah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you

I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside,  Sunday mornings, go for a ride
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

Every summer we can rent a cottage
In the Isle of Wight if it's not to, dear
We shall scrimp and save
Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more
Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?


Edited October 14, 2011:

That song is constantly in my head all day now. I decided to pop an email about it to my sister (who is the most spiritually in tune person that I know). Here is an excerpt from her response. I like it and I'm going to give it a try!
It is not necessarily a romantic song, rather a song about a life-long familial relationship. And I wouldn't get hung up on the number 64 as an age or on who plays what role in the song (but keep it in mind). Think of it as a potential child asking if s/he could become part of your life. "..if you say the word, I could stay with you." It is a picture of a charming future family life, grandchildren on your knee....I'd try writing a postcard, dropping a line stating your point of view. Try imagining the song is a proposal and saying "yes" when you hear the song and see what it feels like.

I don't have time to type more but I absolutely believe that songs replaying in one's head can be spiritual messages

Monday, September 26

FET for dummies

This post is an overview of what we're doing and where we're at so far.

I first called the clinic way back in January to get this process rolling (we wanted to transfer in July). There have been some issues with the testing and other problems that got the cycle delayed until now.

I've done a bunch of blood work and last month, I flew to Vancouver to have an SIS which is an ultrasound where they inject saline dye into the uterus to check if it would be a happy place for an embryo to live (ie no polyps or other issues). At that time they found I had yet another ovarian cyst but we are moving forward anyways in hopes that the combination of BCP and Lupron will resolve it.  If not, we'll have to postpone this even further.

There are a number of different protocols for an FET (frozen embryo transfer). The simplest is the natural cycle. That's where the women takes no medications, just goes through her regular monthly cycle. After she ovulates, the clinic thaws the embryos and then transfers them into her uterus. A natural cycle can also be supplemented with medications to tweak various hormone imbalances etc. depending on the women's medical situation.

The type of FET I'm doing is called a "Suppression/endometrial stimulation cycle". This is a completely artificial cycle for women like me who don't trust their reproductive system to do ANYTHING right on its own.

Here's how it will work:

BCP:  On the first day of my period, I started taking birth control pills.  This was for a couple of reasons:
1) to control the length of my cycle so the start of my treatment can be scheduled for a fixed date.
2) to prevent a natural pregnancy (ha ha! as if!)  If by some miracle, I got pregnant naturally, it would be dangerous to take Lupron or the other drugs.

Suppression:  On October 1, I will start a suppression drug called Lupron to prevent my ovaries from producing follicles or ovulating.  It will be like artificial menopause and I'll experience similar symptoms.  And yes, I do see the irony that the first step in trying to get pregnant is to take birth control and then step 2 is to completely shut down my reproductive system.  

Lupron (like most IVF drugs) is taken by daily subcutaneous injection.  The needles go in the soft fleshy part of the tummy (I got lots of that) and it's not as bad as it sounds because they don't hurt nearly as much as say a vaccination or a blood draw does.

Baseline:  I'll go for blood work and an ultrasound on October 14th to ensure that my ovaries are suppressed (and hopefully that cyst is gone).   

Endometrial Stimulation: If the baseline is good, I'll start taking Estrace (estrogen) pills to build up my lining (since I won't be growing any eggs, I won't produce any estrogen naturally).  I'll go for another ultrasound on October 28th to check my lining. 

Progesterone:  If my lining is good, I will start my progesterone supplement on October 31st.

Embryo transfer:  If all goes well, my transfer is scheduled for November 4th.  I live 12 hours away from my clinic so we will fly out there to do the transfer (the rest of my tests can be done here).  The plan is to thaw one embryo at a time and if it starts growing, we will transfer it.  If not, we will thaw the next one.

BETA: 9 days after transfer, I'll take a blood test to see if it worked.

Ok I promise that this will be the last boring post about protocols and hormones.  I'll even restrain myself from posting a explanation of how Lupron works - even though it's totally cool and I could draw diagrams of what the GnRH receptors look like.

Saturday, September 24

IVF for Dummies

My infertile friends can probably skip this post.

And also anyone else who doesn't want to read a bunch of dull science-type crap.  Actually you folks should just probably skip the whole blog because really, it's pretty much ALL going to be science-type crap.

How it's supposed to work:

First off, let's review some basic biology of the reproductive system.   Each month a woman's pituitary gland secretes a hormone called FSH (follicle stimulating hormone).  FSH stimulates the ovaries to produce follicles in which eggs can grow.  The ovaries start off producing lots of follicles but soon the largest one will become dominate.  The growing follicles produce estrogen which operates as a biofeedback mechanism to slow the production of FSH in the pituitary gland.  Reduced FSH stops the growth of the lesser follicles and the ovaries ends up producing only one (or sometimes two) eggs. 

The egg is released into the abdominal cavity and is picked up by the fallopian tube.  Sperm fertilizes the egg and if the embryo is viable it will grow for several days in the tube as it makes it's journey to the uterus.  In most cases the embryo would emerge into the uterus at the blastocyst stage (about 5 or 6 days old).   If conditions are right, the blast will implant into the uterine lining and start growing into a baby.

After the egg is released, the follicle on the ovary becomes a corpeus luteum and produces progesterone which is necessary to maintain a pregnancy until the placenta is mature enough to produce this hormone on it own.

How Infertility (IF) works:

The human reproductive system is super complicated and there are a gazillion things that can go wrong which will prevent a couple from conceiving.  Here's a few examples.

  1. Sperm can't reach egg:  This can be due to structural issues like blocked tubes (in the girl or the guy) or chemical issues like hostile cervical mucus, or the man may have low sperm volume or poor quality.
  2. Poor egg quality: This issue is more common in woman over 35 but it can effect ladies in their 20's. 
  3. No ovulation:  Some women don't ovulate due to hormone imbalances (like PCOS) or for other reasons.
  4. Embryo can't implant:  Due to poor quality lining, overactive immune system which attacks the embryo or other reasons.
  5. Recurrent miscarriages:  The embryos might have genetic abnormalities which cause the pregnancy to fail or the mom may have some condition or hormone imbalance which makes it difficult for the body to sustain a pregnancy.
When IVF was developed 30 odd years ago, it was a miracle treatment for condition #1. It also helps #2 and #5 because the RE can identify the best quality embryos to be transferred back into the uterus. 

How Invitro Fertilization IVF works:

There are a number of different protocols but I'm going to give a brief description of the most common one. 

Step 1  Suppression:   With IVF, the ovaries are artificially stimulated to produce multiple eggs instead of just one.  Prior do this, the woman takes a suppression drug to stop the pituitary gland from producing FSH so the body's natural hormones and biofeedback mechanism don't interfere with this goal. 

Step 2 Stimulation:  The woman takes daily injections of FSH (and sometimes LH) to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple follicles (ideally between 10 and 20).   The RE monitors the follicles by ultrasound until they are large enough.  Assuming this phase is successful and there are a sufficient number of follicles, the woman takes an "trigger" injection to mature the eggs. 

Step 3 Retrieval:  The woman undergoes a minor surgical procedure to extract the eggs from the ovaries.
 
Step 4 Fertilization and culture: The eggs are fertilized in the lab and the embryos are grown in a petri dish for up to five days.  (Note: despite the term "Test Tube Babies" no actual test tubes are used in this procedure.) 
Not all eggs will fertilize and there is a natural attrition among the embryos as the genetically abnormal ones stop growing.  This is a very clinical description that doesn't do justice to how excruciating that week is.   I woke up every morning at 4am unable to sleep and sat by the phone waiting to for the embryologist to call and tell me how many of my embryos made it through the night.  Are your hopes (and a great deal of money) are invested in something that's completely beyond your control.  It's not uncommon for none of the embryos survive the culture period.

Step 5 Embryo transfer:  The embryologist selects one or two of the best quality embryos and the RE transfers them into the uterus.  If there are any good quality embryos remaining, they are cryogenically preserved (ie frozen) to be transferred again at a later date.  In some cases, the clinic will transfer more than 2 but this isn't common because it increases the risk of triplets or other higher order multiples.  The woman takes a progesterone supplement because since she didn't ovulate, her body isn't producing this hormone naturally.

Step 6  Beta:  About two weeks later you take pregnancy blood test called a beta.  A positive beta test does not guarantee a viable pregnancy.  About 1/3 of pregnancies end in miscarriage.  Most fertile women don't even know they were pregnant when they have one of these early miscarriages.  So IVF patients have a 2nd blood test to ensure that the HCG levels are increasing and then an ultrasound at around 8 weeks.  If the embryo has a heart-beat at that ultrasound, its counted as a pregnancy in the clinic's stats.

At my clinic, the pregnancy rate when for patients that transfer 2 embryos is about 60% .  This excludes the couples who didn't make it to transfer because none of their embryos were viable, or those couples whose cycles were cancelled before retrieval because they weren't producing enough follicles.  On average, if you start an IVF cycle, the chances of getting pregnant are about 35 to 40%.   It may take several cycles for a couple to become pregnant and some couples will never become pregnant because IVF isn't enough to help them overcome the medical condition which causes their infertility.

An average IVF cycle in Canada costs between $8,000 to $15,000 (including meds) which is not covered by public health care except in Quebec (and in some circumstances in Ontario).   More complex cycles can cost even more.  Is it worth the cost?  Yes, absolutely!  We had tried for almost 5 years before we tried IVF and getting pregnant with the twins felt like a miracle for us.  A true blessing.

Our IVF Cycle:
We had a very successful initial IVF cycle.  It started out slow; we only retrieved 6 mature eggs which is considered a low response.  However, the fertilization and culture went very well.  At day 5, we still had 5 good quality embryos (we transferred 2 and froze the rest).

Wow, this post turned out to be much longer and detailed than I indended.  Hopefully somebody cares...well I care at least and that's the important thing. 

In case you're curious...

Kate Goselin (from Jon and Kate Plus Eight) did not use IVF to conceive her famous sextuplets.  She used a much cheaper treatment called IUI.  She took medication that caused her to produce multiple eggs but instead of having them removed and cultured in a lab, she ovulated and had a sample of Jon's little swimmers injected into her uterus.  This procedure is popular because it's cheaper but the success rate is lower than IVF and it has a higher risk of multiples.

Octomom:  Nutcase Nadia Suleman did do IVF but conceived her record 8 babies because her equally nutty doctor transferred 12 embryos into her uterus when the industry standard is 2 to 3.  My RE privately referred to it as criminal negligence.  Nadia's doctor later lost his medical license (quite rightly).

Sunday, September 18

The plan

Here’s what’s on the agenda for October:

1) Quit my job because it is sucking the life out of me.
2) Plan the twins’ 3rd birthday party.
3) Attempt to get pregnant.

That’s right, I’m going to reach new heights of oversharing and chronicle our attempt to conceive in my blog. After consultation with Greg, we agreed that I would not post any entries about this in my main blog (that our friends and family know about) until after everything was done and we were ready to announce the results publicly (good or bad). So I started writing these entries but not posting them. That was getting too confusing for me, so now I'm going to post all the TTC (trying to conceive) entries in this new new super-secret blog which I will link or merge with my main blog if and when it's appropriate.

When most couples decide to try for another baby, they might buy a bottle of wine and plan a romantic weekend away. For us infertiles, we whip out our credit card and set up an injection centre in the bathroom. We have 3 embryos in cryogenic storage at our fertility clinic in Burnaby. We are going to unthaw and transfer these embryos (one at a time!) into my uterus in hope of adding to our family. Well actually this will be done by a team of highly qualified reproductive endocrinologists and embryologists. Greg and I will just be doing the hoping and praying part.

Why?

Why try again you may ask? Wouldn't that be pushing our luck considering how fortunate we were last time around to have the twins? And hey, aren't I always complaining about how overwhelmed and stressed out I am balancing work and family? Would I really want to add another child into the mix?

Yes, this may be a crazy bad idea but Greg and I would still absolutely love to have another baby. The twins are a lot of work and sometimes they drive us nuts, but they are also an absolute joy. And I feel like somehow there is supposed to be another member of our family and we need to give him/her a chance to join the insanity. Also, with twins, everything goes by so fast: all the milestones and the adorable baby stuff. I so wish I could do it again.

The odds of success:

I'm not going to quote the success rates and statistics for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) because they're actually pretty discouraging. FET rates are always lower than a fresh IVF cycle because we have already transferred the 2 best embryos of the bunch and the remaining ones are of lesser quality and may not be viable. As info for my non-infertile friends: even with regular people, only about half of fertilized eggs have the potential to become babies, the remainder have genetic abnormalities which will cause the embryo to stop growing in the first couple of weeks. This rate gets even worse as a woman gets older (ie over 35). This is part of the reason that even fertile people don't get pregnant every month that they try.

Our fertility doctor (aka reproductive endocrinologist or RE) has given us a 30% chance of this working. Namely that if we thawed and transferred all 3 embryos, we have a 30% chance of having one baby. That's certainly good enough odds for us to take the chance.

Let the fun begin!