Well it looks like it's not going to happen for us this time.
Last week I buzzed around the house cleaning everything (the toilets in particular) preparing for my pregnancy symptoms to kick in...but they never did. I've been obsessively taking HPT's and on the weekend I noticed that the 2nd line was getting lighter not darker. At that that point I was pretty sure it was over. I spent several days Googling trying to find any possible explanation but there wasn't any. The embryo had stopped developing and wasn't producing hCG anymore.
I took one of those digital tests that tells you the weeks since conception and it read 1-2 (when it should have been 4). Based on that, my clinic agreed to do a repeat beta and it came back at only 270 (it should be at least 8,000 by now). So we are stopping meds and waiting for the inevitable. I'm disappointed but certainly not devastated. I expected it and I'm so glad we found out now and on our own terms. It would have really sucked to go to the viability scan and instead of heart-beat to see nothing there.
This just makes me feel even more grateful that we were so lucky the first time around. I'll be hugging the twins extra hard tonight.
They're going to monitor my hCG until it drops to nothing in case it's an ectopic or something that requires more intervention. After that I hope we can get lined up to transfer our remaining embies as soon as possible.
Goodbye Baby C. It was wonderful to have you with us, if only for a couple of weeks. I wish it hadn't ended so soon. I was really looking forward to sharing a birthday with you.
Wednesday, November 30
Friday, November 18
Stating point of view
4 weeks 5 days:
138. That was my second beta. It definitely doubling. I still can't believe we've been so fortunate to blessed like this twice. Next step is the 7 week viability ultra-sound. If that scan looks good and there is a heartbeat, the risk of miscarriage drops to less than 5%.
In other news, I went to pharmacy to pick up another $1,000 of presciptions. Since I didn't ovulate naturally I will have to keep taking progesterone and estrogen for another few weeks until the placenta takes over this job. Both these hormones are vital to maintaining the pregnancy and embryonic development. No more screwing around and forgetting to take a dose. Baby C's life depends on it now. That's was Greg and I are calling him, btw. The twins were Baby A and B. And "him" because I think it's going to be a boy.
138. That was my second beta. It definitely doubling. I still can't believe we've been so fortunate to blessed like this twice. Next step is the 7 week viability ultra-sound. If that scan looks good and there is a heartbeat, the risk of miscarriage drops to less than 5%.
In other news, I went to pharmacy to pick up another $1,000 of presciptions. Since I didn't ovulate naturally I will have to keep taking progesterone and estrogen for another few weeks until the placenta takes over this job. Both these hormones are vital to maintaining the pregnancy and embryonic development. No more screwing around and forgetting to take a dose. Baby C's life depends on it now. That's was Greg and I are calling him, btw. The twins were Baby A and B. And "him" because I think it's going to be a boy.
Thursday, November 17
Fill in a form
4 weeks 4 days :
I had my 2nd Beta yesterday. I called first thing this morning to check the results. They weren't in yet but I did discover something very disturbing about my clinic. They have a "no news is good news" policy about 2nd betas. The nurse told me that they would only call me if the Beta wasn't doubling. I'm not sure this works for me. You'd think that an IVF clinic would have a better appreciation of how a fertility patient's mind works - we're a neurotic bunch.
So I didn't go to work today. I sat here waiting by the phone praying that it wouldn't ring. It's now 10 pm and no phone call. I guess that means I'm pregnant.....or perhaps the lab lost my results and never sent them to the clinic. I still feel in limbo. I'm going to call them tomorrow to check.
I had my 2nd Beta yesterday. I called first thing this morning to check the results. They weren't in yet but I did discover something very disturbing about my clinic. They have a "no news is good news" policy about 2nd betas. The nurse told me that they would only call me if the Beta wasn't doubling. I'm not sure this works for me. You'd think that an IVF clinic would have a better appreciation of how a fertility patient's mind works - we're a neurotic bunch.
So I didn't go to work today. I sat here waiting by the phone praying that it wouldn't ring. It's now 10 pm and no phone call. I guess that means I'm pregnant.....or perhaps the lab lost my results and never sent them to the clinic. I still feel in limbo. I'm going to call them tomorrow to check.
Tuesday, November 15
Give me your answer
58
I went for my formal pregnancy test yesterday (called a Beta hCG or Beta for short). Most fertility patients get their results back the same day but since I use an out-of-town lab, I had to wait until the next morning (aka torture myself sitting up half the night staring at my home pregnancy tests trying to figure out if the line was getting darker).
This morning I finally got the call and my number is 58. It seems low to me but the nurse said they consider it a positive. For comparison, my first beta with the twins was 178 and we tested one day earlier.
I'm obsessively Googling the Internet for verification. http://www.betabase.info/ (a great statistical resource for neurotic fertility patients) tells me that the average result reported for a singleton pregnancy on this day is 139. The nurse told me that the betas for frozen transfers are usually lower than fresh transfers. She didn't know why but it suppose frozen embryos might implant a little later. It's logical that they would need a day or two to recover from being in a giant freezer for 3 years.
Supposedly it doesn't matter what the number is as long as it's increasing. In a viable pregnancy, the Beta should increase exponentially. At this point it should double at least every 48 hours. So I go back for another blood test on Wednesday.
In summary, we are excited but not wanting to get our hopes up.
PS: the due date is July 23rd. 3 days before my birthday :-).
I went for my formal pregnancy test yesterday (called a Beta hCG or Beta for short). Most fertility patients get their results back the same day but since I use an out-of-town lab, I had to wait until the next morning (aka torture myself sitting up half the night staring at my home pregnancy tests trying to figure out if the line was getting darker).
This morning I finally got the call and my number is 58. It seems low to me but the nurse said they consider it a positive. For comparison, my first beta with the twins was 178 and we tested one day earlier.
I'm obsessively Googling the Internet for verification. http://www.betabase.info/ (a great statistical resource for neurotic fertility patients) tells me that the average result reported for a singleton pregnancy on this day is 139. The nurse told me that the betas for frozen transfers are usually lower than fresh transfers. She didn't know why but it suppose frozen embryos might implant a little later. It's logical that they would need a day or two to recover from being in a giant freezer for 3 years.
Supposedly it doesn't matter what the number is as long as it's increasing. In a viable pregnancy, the Beta should increase exponentially. At this point it should double at least every 48 hours. So I go back for another blood test on Wednesday.
In summary, we are excited but not wanting to get our hopes up.
PS: the due date is July 23rd. 3 days before my birthday :-).
Sunday, November 13
Drop me a line
9dp5dt:
Two lines!!!! We finally caved and tested today and its a faint positive! So faint that Greg didn't entirely believe it. At this point with the twins, the 2nd line was as dark at the control line. Nothing is guaranteed yet - it could be something called a "chemical pregnancy" were the embryo implants long enough for your to get positive pregnancy test and then stops developing. We'll have to wait for tomorrow's blood test to be sure but at least we are not "not pregnant".
Friday, November 11
Send me a postcard
7dp5dt:
Crap. I am now the proud owned of $50 worth of home pregnancy tests. We ran out of baby wipes and I had to stop at the drug store on the way home from work. I never had a chance.
I'm happy to say that I haven't cracked one open yet. If I can even hold off until tomorrow morning, it will be a victory.
Crap. I am now the proud owned of $50 worth of home pregnancy tests. We ran out of baby wipes and I had to stop at the drug store on the way home from work. I never had a chance.
I'm happy to say that I haven't cracked one open yet. If I can even hold off until tomorrow morning, it will be a victory.
Thursday, November 10
Yours sincerely, wasting away
6dp5dt:
Ok, no more fooling around. Now I'm getting excited.
I spent much of today playing a fun game called "pregnancy or progesterone". That's where I analyze every little twinge and sensation in my body and try to figure out if it's an early pregnancy symptom or just a side effect of progesterone. It's all futile of course. Even if I were pregnant, it's much too early to have any symptoms.
There is definitely something going on in my uterus though. I'm cramping up a storm and my c-section scar hurts. Could be implantation but could also be a side effect of the progesterone. I've gotta stop obsessing about this.
My goal this time around is to NOT test early with a home pregnancy test. I want to wait until the actual blood test on Monday. I've peed on a lot of sticks in my time and it just doesn't help. If the pee-stick is negative, you feel like crap and yet there is no closure (you keep hoping that the HPT was wrong or you tested too soon). Even when you get a positive, the happiness is short-lived. Until you get the numbers from your blood tests, you can't be sure that your HCG levels are rising and the pregnancy is viable. With the twins I was taking 4 tests a day and compulsively lining them up, straining my eyes trying to see if the 2nd line was getting any darker. One minute I was ecstatically happy and the next I was in tears convinced it was over.
The only way this can work is if I keep the pregnancy tests out of the house altogether. I stocked up on a ton of groceries on the week-end because I know that if I step foot in a grocery story this week, I won't be able to resist buying a test. Must stay strong.
Ok, no more fooling around. Now I'm getting excited.
I spent much of today playing a fun game called "pregnancy or progesterone". That's where I analyze every little twinge and sensation in my body and try to figure out if it's an early pregnancy symptom or just a side effect of progesterone. It's all futile of course. Even if I were pregnant, it's much too early to have any symptoms.
There is definitely something going on in my uterus though. I'm cramping up a storm and my c-section scar hurts. Could be implantation but could also be a side effect of the progesterone. I've gotta stop obsessing about this.
My goal this time around is to NOT test early with a home pregnancy test. I want to wait until the actual blood test on Monday. I've peed on a lot of sticks in my time and it just doesn't help. If the pee-stick is negative, you feel like crap and yet there is no closure (you keep hoping that the HPT was wrong or you tested too soon). Even when you get a positive, the happiness is short-lived. Until you get the numbers from your blood tests, you can't be sure that your HCG levels are rising and the pregnancy is viable. With the twins I was taking 4 tests a day and compulsively lining them up, straining my eyes trying to see if the 2nd line was getting any darker. One minute I was ecstatically happy and the next I was in tears convinced it was over.
The only way this can work is if I keep the pregnancy tests out of the house altogether. I stocked up on a ton of groceries on the week-end because I know that if I step foot in a grocery story this week, I won't be able to resist buying a test. Must stay strong.
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